paranoid about breakfast

my mum said well done for doing well at breakfast....NEVER tell an anorexic well done for eating...I am now paranoid, cuz I am sure one roll and a yoghurt is a fine breakfast, so 2 rolls must be exsessive!

Extra rolls

Extra rolls are taking over my life it seems. This moring I had 2 rolls and a yoghurt. Last night at dinner i had a roll. I am becomeing a fat roll eater....I want to get weighed tomorrow but I have so water logged..I have like 4 cups of tea and coffee at breakfast and I am now drinking another.

rape

Wow its really hard to get some one convicted of rape. The only irrebuttable arguments are that the person decived you as to the purpose of the act, or pretended to be some one you know..
Basically being drunk isnt a defence, trying to prove you did not have the capasity to make a decision is going to be too hard.

jacket potatoe scare

I had all my jacket potatoe and felt like a pig cuz like no one else ate all of it. But then I didnt have a peice of chicken or as much sause in my meal. Had 2 mulla lights for breaky and two tiny tangerines. This place is actually very good for eating healthily. There are loads of rools though and i havnt had a rool in ages but I dont know how many kcla so I am scared. I assume around 120 or so, but I dont know so I dont want to chance it.

Villiers Park

In Cambridge at the moment at a conference called Law: Criminal issues.
Arrived today and have just had a session on criminology...next is UK legistlation.
Life on the unit is supposidly coming to an end soon. I have a meeting on the second. On the 3rd I have an interview with the houseing people so I can sort out if I can move in or not. I got my jkeys to my house confiscated so I guess I will be going back to the unit on Friday instead of home. I like weekends at the unit better than week days any way so that is ok.

...too tiered to write...

My birthday was spent at my old school. I went back to see the old teachers and meet up with a girl from the unit. It was rather odd in someways, but I think cause I was only at the school for a year and it was so long ago it was almost like I was never there.
On the Saturday evening my mum and sister and I went out to a ccomidy club. It was fun had a meal at an Itlaian restaurant before we went into the show. Had 5 drinks and got drunk for the first time in a long time.
My review decided that I am to be discharged on the 25th (the only problem is I am mewant to be going on a course in forensic law from the 23 to the 27, we will have to try and reschedual the discharge meeting. I have now been handed all the insentives, I chose my own food I serve it, I dont sit on the eating disorder table, being there is completly different now.
Went to look at accomidation today. It wasnt really a five star hotel but it was in a good place, so I may consider it strongly.

Happy

I never really believed that as ur weight went up ur thinking changed, but perhaps this week I have been proved wrong. Then again the happiness and new found acceptance and motivation was short lived.
i gained my table tennis insentive and was happy about that (I swore that I wouldnt be happy, but sad as it would have meant a weight gain. All day however I was over joyed at the fact that I could finally play table tennis. The happiness and ability to eat however left me by Friday when I was over whelmed with a feeling of stress. This morning was hell and another childish tantrum proceeded breakfast. I guess it is true that there will be good days and there will be bad days and you are not cured just because you manage to eat a piece of cake without feeling like shit, or manage to go through a whole day without feeling like you have no purpose. The fact that I have so far put the weight on only on my hips and bum is very positive but the fear still remains that the tummy will flab soon.
I was visited by a social worker who told me about a supported living accomodation, where ten people share a house, which is staffed from 9-21 every day. The rent is only 10 a week and this includes gas water and tv. I have applied for benifits, and after my review,m which has been reschedualed to the 2 of April I hope that the wait will not be too long until I can move into my new house in Worthing.

Almost kicked out

Monday started with my review. They decided I would be discharged on Friday to sit at home for two weeks. This was unacceptable as I would have lost so much weight. Mum phoned the local MP adult services and the press, and finally on Thursday I was told I could stay (not due to the fuss I had made, but because they felt it was wrong to discharge me when adult services were not ready for me.)
Had a bad week due to the fact that I felt like I was in limbo again.
When I was told I could stay I was pleased but also anoyed that I wouldnt be able to go home and lose all the weight again.
We have a new 12 year old kinnda anorexic girl. She came in on the anorexic protocol, but she refused to eat and they took her off it and now she just has to eat but she choses what and she doesnt have to eat all her food. They decided she didnt have anorexia but rather a fear of being sick. She really wants to go home though. Its sad!
Pierced my own ear again. 12 piercings now...