AAAAAAAAAAA Bloody hell

Last weekend was the culmination of all evil. I cant believe how shit it was. Strated on Friday with me feeling embarassed about my mum serving me infront of my step grandma (I over reacted and the whole evening went to hell) Saturday I got a lecture from Leon about how I was vegitating wasting my life ect ect..didnt help me feel better or more confident about my future. In the evening he made snide remarks about my xfear of being alone which turned me against my mum because she didnt stand up for me. Ended in me going back to Colwood early, where I was told i had to have a snack, which I refused. The meal plan was full of crosses and I was told that I would be expected to make up all the things I had not eaten, I told them I would refuse to do so. Wardround on Tuesday brought me news of an emergency review being schedualed due to my weight lose over the weekend and my inability to stick to the anorexic protocol. After many days of worrying about the fact that I was told I HAVE to go home ALL weekends (why that is the case for only me out of all the ana girls I dont know) I am now sitting at home. My review had been moved from the 15th of March to the 5th, and if this weekend doesnt go well I will be "expelled" from Colwood and turned over to adult services to do as they please with me.
My depression is getting worse and worse and I dont know what the future holds but in my mind I cant even imagine a future. I cant see myself ever getting anything sorted. How manytimes do I have to breakup my life to try and give mysefl a new start before it succeeds. I cant see it working this time any better than last time. As the sexy Mr Robbie Williams says "I dont wanna die, but I aint keen on living either" I feel just as blue as the manicdepressent inpatient who spends his whole day telling as many ppl as he can that he has a bad feeling he cant seem to shake, but he cant describe it either. Ive tried telling him the feeling is depression (yes depression for me is a feeling, not an illness which includes sadness and hopelesness).