The ambiguouity of adolesents

I feel so fucking young! I wish I was fucking 22 so I could make people feel young! I have no fucking authority, not even over my own life! This is part of the problem my mum says I have. She says I have not devolved properly emotionally! But the thing is I feel like a grown up! A young but mature person! I guess taking drugs can not be seen as mature, but there are plenty of grown ups who have high ranking positions who take drugs...are they not mature?
I dont believe choosing to do something that is "bad" means that you are in any way less mature or stupid, it just means that you feel like you are being constricted by what is "good". I dont chose to do drugs because I dont know that they are "bad" I chose to do them because I dont care. This may of course be seen as a childish way of thinking. It can however also just be taken as a sign that I want to take thoes risks (It may be selfish, but the truth is aslong as I dont let some one else be affected by it...I am only affeting myself) (Being caught by the police does not qualify as affcting some one else!) I understand that grownups worry about their children, but some where there is the fact that if you trust your child you trust it also to be able to cope with "bad" things. I believe (so far) that people can chose to do things that may be illigal or not safe and still be trusted to be responsible people. I would never do drugs in a place I did not feel safe and know that I was not going to intrude on some one else! I know that drugs can make you do things that you would nt have done in normal circumstanses, but the fact is that I am (I may be wrong) capable of cntroling myself and presecuring things so that if I feel I lose control I have a back up!
All this may just be making it clear to the reader that I am naive and exactly the opposite of what ia m trying to tell you I am. I can however only say how I feel!