weired feeling in my tummy

Feeling really sort of bloated at the moment..not from the inside like i have eaten too much but just like its big. I am so lost in the world of calories now. It really confusing, cuz I feel like I dont know what I am eating or not eating. I think I am probably eating normally and thats scaring me!
I was having a convo with someone about eds and it made me feel like a failure so badly...wow she was better at it than me! Mcdonald Bowyer is fucking slimmer than me! LOVE THAT COLLAR BONE STRUCTURE! Makes me wanna hurl everytime I see her!
Fraser and I are getting used to eachother.Just calling once can open doors to comfort...
Fasting tomorrow I should be loving it, but I think I am scared I am gunna binge tomorrow night.I am afraid aswell that the reason I have been able to not binge these last few days is because I have eaten enough during the days to keep my body satisfied...yes I know that sounds healthy, but it doesnt sound fun to my ana ears!
Started taking diet pills after every meal...dont know if they work, but they cant do much harm..they arnt perscription. Might just fuck the fast and drink green tea and take diet pills. This will be the first time in like 10 years I dont fast...and I am only have ment to start fasting 5 years ago. Wow hope g.d counts ana as a disease!
I got such a cold wow !