the futures dark and scary

Wow had another massive ana attack yesterday, not nice. REALLY wanted to just die or atleast just be taken into hospital already. Cut myself for the first time in AGES...

Its Valentines day soon and I will be spending it in a hospital...not only that but I feel so unloved by guys that its sad. I want a sweet caring considerate bf and Amy gets him instead...
I want a person to tell me, I love you and I will love ur body more if u weigh 10kg more...I want some one to take me out and to stay in with me.

I was called stunningly beautiful today by this guys grandma...made me happy, but scared me a bit cause...if I am beautiful like this, why put on weight? My mum would say that yes I may be beautiful, but I was EVEN more beautiful before, the lady just didnt have the image to compare to.