Ångest som gör ont!

Fuck it hurts so badly....I want to have my coffee and my ice cream and more soup, but it hurts to think about tomorrow morning when I get on the scale and instead of showing 43.5 will show 44.4! I cant stand it! It hurts not to know how it will affect my weight or how my weight will affect my appearance. It hurts to know that I am not hungry, just eating because I am weak! To weak to be like the others on sinsandbones that eat only 100cal a day! I dont know what to do, I can kidd myself and think that when I get to england I will get a gym card and my world will be saved.